Sunday, October 17, 2010

the long road home.......or not

i had the opportunity to go home today for a visit.  another family member was planning on going with her friend to detroit for a marathon.  i got the call at football yesterday.  i declined.  i'm just not ready for the visit.  some may call it unfair to both my children AND my father and the rest of my family.  i have alot of feelings about going back and visiting that i wish people would understand.  one family member had in laws an hour away from us for a long time and went to visit many times, did they ever make a detour to visit us?  or how about a call and a possible meetup where their other family was?  there's alot of pain there for me and its hard to get past sometimes.  i have SO many feelings and its hard to vocalize them without alot of anger coming out.  part of me wants to protect my children from my family too.  i know how i was treated not just growing up but visiting with my husband when he was my boyfriend and how i was treated in phone calls, its not worth it for me.  it sucks that other family has traveled other places the same distance away that i am, but no one has come this way even after numerous invitations. 

sounds like i'm complaining.  yes i am.  i WILL go and visit, at this moment in time, i'm just not mentally prepared enough for the trip.  i'm hoping by summer to van should be in tip top shape then and i know it would make it.  i guess what i'm saying is that it sucks sometimes how family can be with one another.

No comments:

Post a Comment