Saturday, July 17, 2010


i guess i just really suck at relationships.  i sit here and pine after and want someone who just doesn't want me.  why?  the only reason i can come up with is that he was really my one true love.  i tied to move on from him but went back and got hurt yet again.  now...with 5 kids i know my chances for any kind of relationship in pretty much null.  i'm not even wanting or caring about a sexual relationship, just the companionship of having someone around, to go out to dinner with or the beach or movies or just hang out and have fun with or without the kids.  the one i long for and pine after i think doesn't think we could have that with 5 kids.  its easier to find someone who can easliy dump off their kids with their baby's daddys or grandparents or friends.  me....i'm rather particular on who keeps my kids.  i HATE having them away from me, but know its actually rather healthy to be able to go out for an evening once in a while without them.  i love my kids and wouldn't change them or give them up for the world.  just lonely today....wishing i had someone here with me to do fun things with the children and i.  i mean, i know i could do it on our own but its easier to do it with someone, just in case someone darts away or whatever.....i really think the heat is just getting to me

1 comment:

  1. Susan, you are such a good mother and a great person. I hope that someday you can find someone who will appreciate you for who you are.